Or “Nevertheless, she persisted”.

What I meant by “we have to figure out how to be kind without being cruel” is that while we’re practicing kindness to others by coming to their defense, by working toward equity, by protecting their lives and limbs, we have to also consider the path we take to get there. Instead of going for the jugular by jeering, or body shaming, or going after families or lifestyles, we stick to attacking policies, plans, or ideas. We don’t have to get personal to get the job done.

You wrote, “ The Feminine Warrior is fierce but her goal is not defeat of the other but rather the refusal to be eliminated.” Yes, yes, yes! I think of women like Maya Angelou or Malala Yousafzai or Ruth Bader Ginsburg — women who use words brilliantly and effectively to tear down barriers, to build support for other women, to stick it to those who would work to destroy us, but do it without compromising their own integrity.

I won’t shut up, either, and I won’t compromise, but in the end we all fight our collective battles in our own way. Our goals may be the same but we use language in ways that define who we are.

Your story about the girl who couldn’t say thanks is sad, yet hopeful. She recognized that a thank you was in order, and, by saying what she said, she was, in her own way, thanking you. It’s a start — and no doubt a compliment to you for moving her to even acknowledge that cultural difference.

Thank you for this conversation, Barbara. This, in fact, is how it should be.