Oh, Cheney, I wish I had the magic words that would help you right this minute, but you and I both know whatever I might add as advice is pretty meaningless when demon depression has the upper hand.
Keep on writing your thoughts, though, and I would suggest a journal, too. We depressives need outlets or it will surely take us over. Talking ABOUT it is sometimes talking OVER it. When we win the argument against it, we win.
Take care and know you do have friends. We’re with you every day, even when you’re away. We care. I can’t say that enough.