I hear you, Barbara. “Kind” is leaps and bounds ahead of “nice”. My first title did include the word ”kind”, but I changed it. I changed it to “nice”. Then I changed it to “making nice”, and it said what I wanted it to say.

I admit I was looking for words that would draw readers, but “making nice” suggests biting my tongue when the conversation gets heated, and that’s where I was going with this.

Many of us write about being kind — I’ve done it many times myself — but nobody wants to think about the advantages of just being nice, even when we’re disagreeing with one another.

Most of us see ourselves as the souls of kindness, but often it means going on the attack against others who aren’t kind. I’m all for it. Some people need a slap ‘cross the head before they get it that they need to behave better. I spent the last 10 years writing about politics; raging against the system, against unfairness, against inequity, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about here.

I wanted to talk about interacting in ways that bring down our rage, that make us recognize our own humanity, that put us in a better position to fight the battles ahead without burning ourselves out.

No argument was ever won by out-shouting each other or by engaging in never-ending pissing contests, yet there is great satisfaction in both. We do it, not because we’re sure of the results, but because it feels good. It’s a way of venting. We come out feeling like victors, but what did we actually win?

That’s my point here. We need to figure out ways to be the strongest, the truest, the kindest, without going on the assault against those who stand in our way.

We need to figure out how to be kind without being cruel.

I agree that dialogue skills would be a welcome addition to any curriculum. I fear our children are growing up in a society where verbal warring is the accepted norm. We could change that if we wanted to.